Everyone grieves differently
One of the biggest reality of life is death. At some point or other one has to lose someone so dear in their life. Some experience it sooner in their life and some are fortunate enough to experience this pain later in life. But how do we as individuals understand this and cope with this loss as well how do we interact with someone who has just faced a loss in their life?
Can we really feel the pain what others go through just because we have gone through that pain at some point? My answer would be no. Everyone is different, just as their behavior and mannerisms are unique so is their loss. We can never really feel the loss of another person even though we might have gone through the loss before. Things get even more complicated if we have never experienced a similar loss in our life. So then how do we feel really sorry for someone who has just suffered a loss? How do we prevent ourselves from unknowingly saying hurtful remarks when expressing our condolences ?
Understanding that each person is different, their loss is theirs own. Having compassion will tone down our words before it reminds them of their painful loss. There are different stages of grief and initial stage is usually the time we tend our condolences, but it is actually a stage of shock and disbelief, more so if the loss was sudden or unexpected. Express your condolences but try not to overdo it as this is an extremely sensitive phase the person is undergoing and anything you might say may affect the person inadvertently. Depending on how close you are to this person, instead of verbally offering help try your best to actually be of some help. Its all too common to hear, let me know if i can do something to help you, for a change do that something. Take a meal or opt to take their children outside for sometime or run an errand. Doing something for that person that may even slightly make a change to the grieving person's day is well worth it. Give them plenty of time alone. Sometimes silence help us grieve better and help us recover and face the world in a renewed and fresh approach.
A time to time short call on how the person is dealing is welcome, but give them their space. When the grieving person is able to have more conversations please refrain from saying anything that silver lines their problems, like i have gone through, i been there. Though its true you may have had a similar experience and it is more of a comforting situation for you than the person who is currently undergoing a similar crisis. The key is that no two persons loss is the same and no two person react to the loss the same way.
Be patient as you may find someone who is just lost someone may seem like distancing themselves from you. You may think they are just angry at you or they are just angry at their fate. Understand this is a very normal process of grieving and slowly they will come out of this phase.
Be a listener, listen if they want to open up on their situation, some people can become overly verbal about their pain and its ok. Having someone just to listen makes all the difference. There is nothing you must say, just listen and understand you are doing you bit by being there.
The final stages of grief is ofcourse acceptance. And beleive me some could take a year or even more to reach this stage. Its a stage that we have accepted that there is a irreplaceable void in our lives, which would remain forever, but we have to leave it at it and move on in our life. This never means you will forget your loved one but it would hurt a lot less each time you remember they are no longer with you.
Remember life is never fair. Nothing is permenant even though at this moment everything feels like it is permemant. Taking time to grieve is important. We need that downtime to accept the hard truth of life. It opens up a new perspective for life. For many its a journey to realization to stop and enjoy the little nothings of life because every moment is precious. Its a humbling period that makes us human and realiase that our egos are not greater than us. It makes us better and sometimes stronger to deal with situations of the similar kind and as well better understand people who are in the similar position.
Can we really feel the pain what others go through just because we have gone through that pain at some point? My answer would be no. Everyone is different, just as their behavior and mannerisms are unique so is their loss. We can never really feel the loss of another person even though we might have gone through the loss before. Things get even more complicated if we have never experienced a similar loss in our life. So then how do we feel really sorry for someone who has just suffered a loss? How do we prevent ourselves from unknowingly saying hurtful remarks when expressing our condolences ?
Understanding that each person is different, their loss is theirs own. Having compassion will tone down our words before it reminds them of their painful loss. There are different stages of grief and initial stage is usually the time we tend our condolences, but it is actually a stage of shock and disbelief, more so if the loss was sudden or unexpected. Express your condolences but try not to overdo it as this is an extremely sensitive phase the person is undergoing and anything you might say may affect the person inadvertently. Depending on how close you are to this person, instead of verbally offering help try your best to actually be of some help. Its all too common to hear, let me know if i can do something to help you, for a change do that something. Take a meal or opt to take their children outside for sometime or run an errand. Doing something for that person that may even slightly make a change to the grieving person's day is well worth it. Give them plenty of time alone. Sometimes silence help us grieve better and help us recover and face the world in a renewed and fresh approach.
A time to time short call on how the person is dealing is welcome, but give them their space. When the grieving person is able to have more conversations please refrain from saying anything that silver lines their problems, like i have gone through, i been there. Though its true you may have had a similar experience and it is more of a comforting situation for you than the person who is currently undergoing a similar crisis. The key is that no two persons loss is the same and no two person react to the loss the same way.
Be patient as you may find someone who is just lost someone may seem like distancing themselves from you. You may think they are just angry at you or they are just angry at their fate. Understand this is a very normal process of grieving and slowly they will come out of this phase.
Be a listener, listen if they want to open up on their situation, some people can become overly verbal about their pain and its ok. Having someone just to listen makes all the difference. There is nothing you must say, just listen and understand you are doing you bit by being there.
The final stages of grief is ofcourse acceptance. And beleive me some could take a year or even more to reach this stage. Its a stage that we have accepted that there is a irreplaceable void in our lives, which would remain forever, but we have to leave it at it and move on in our life. This never means you will forget your loved one but it would hurt a lot less each time you remember they are no longer with you.
Remember life is never fair. Nothing is permenant even though at this moment everything feels like it is permemant. Taking time to grieve is important. We need that downtime to accept the hard truth of life. It opens up a new perspective for life. For many its a journey to realization to stop and enjoy the little nothings of life because every moment is precious. Its a humbling period that makes us human and realiase that our egos are not greater than us. It makes us better and sometimes stronger to deal with situations of the similar kind and as well better understand people who are in the similar position.
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